As much as we don’t want to admit it, the stereotype that women start planning the wedding right after the first date is not entirely false. We’ve all done it… We’ll go out to dinner with a guy who’s hot, fun, smart, kind and seems to have his crap together and by the time dessert comes, we’re sure he’s the one. It’s a little insane. And, it’s this very tendency to fall hard and fast like a brick in the ocean that’s responsible for us being disappointed so often. So:
Let’s quit it, ladies.
Starting right now, let’s all take a much more balanced approach to the manhunt and pace ourselves. To that end, here are some things to remember after your next date:
You are not easy. You are extraordinary. That means you have expectations that need to be fulfilled and standards that need to be met. You had fun and flirted your ass off but you also have sense: you don’t prematurely fall for a guy just because he put his hand on the small of your back or because his finger grazed your thigh, right? It takes a lot more than that to get you. Wait and see what happens next.
Make him earn your attention. Any guy can be great for ONE date. What is that — 2 hours? After you’re done hanging out, go home and forget he exists. Try not to gush to your mom and your girlfriends about how he was this and that, and how the connection between you was SO intense, and definitely don’t let him take over your head, overwhelming you with feelings. Make him show you, over at least a couple more dates (not to mention the days in between) that he recognizes you’re fantastic and that he’s worthy of you. Until he earns your interest, you shouldn’t give him a second thought — effort is the price of admission.
A guy who wants you will make it known. If a guy is into you, it’ll be obvious. Don’t make excuses for him (“Maybe I should text him because I did come off kind of cold”) or create opportunities for him to demonstrate interest. Any guy worth dating doesn’t need your help to show he cares — he’ll just come after you. And if he’s not chasing you, he’s either not interested or not someone you should be messing with. If you text him, sure, he might ask you out again but you know how that’s going to end? Probably with you crying. Just sayin.
Who he is now is the best he will be. How the guy behaves after your date is almost more important than how he behaves during the date. At this stage, he’s bringing his best… If his best sucks — he takes too long to get in touch, doesn’t try to give you notice before the next date, doesn’t seem interested in who you are, or just makes you feel unappreciated — take note. It’s only going to go downhill from here.
He’s not the last single man. If this guy ends up being the one, fantastic. But if he doesn’t, it’s really not a big deal. There are tons of great men out there so don’t freak yourself out by making the stakes feel higher than they are. It’s just a date. There will be others. You’re not going to die alone – your future husband is out there and you will find him. We promise.
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